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KATARNS NEWSLETTER #70 -- 8-25-05 -- The End of a Saga
Editors Super and Alextravia Grentarii
Contributions:
Word First by Alextravia Grentarii
Very Interesting by Alextravia Grentarii
The Last Mission by Serena Richardson
Order 66 Duex by Super
Even More Interesting compiled by Super and Alextravia Grentarii
Final Orders by Super
*Word First*
By Alextravia Grentarii
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time for me to depart the Rebel Squadrons Commando Division, both as a member of the Katarns and as the Second Officer of the fleet. I could make a long message about how much I am going to miss you all, but instead I shall leave one final bit of Katarns lore for all of you. A note to the reader, however: If you don't like to read things that are extremely silly and make you wish you could get those last few minutes of your life back, you might do well to skip ahead towards the end of this Newsletter, which is a very interesting part containing some statements by the rest of the Katarns.
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
*Very Interesting*
By Alextravia Grentarii
Nobody liked the Katarns dress uniforms. It wasn't just that they were uncomfortable, which they were. They were also incredibly garish, laughably padded in the shoulders, and generally just made the wearer look as if he had just come from some type of bowel surgery, done on an outpatient basis, and was having trouble in the recovery department. They had been designed by one Alextravia Grentarii upon his arrival in the Katarns. This was, fortunately, the last time they would be worn, because this was Alex's funeral, and after that the team was due to be disbanded. As such there was very little need for a dress uniform any longer. A bonfire had been planned on... unofficial channels.
Stalker, particularly, hated the dress uniform. Even more than most people, in fact, because his position as current CO required him to wear a rather disgusting hat. This hat was, of course, even worse than the uniform, because Alex had designed it, as well. Alex had a few abilities, but fashion design was not one of them. The hat sat high on the head. It was tilted backwards. It was covered in a green, reflective fabric. And, for some reason that nobody was adequately able to explain, it had an antenna coming out of the top. It seemed to have no function, except what one might, laughingly, call decoration. "If you weren't dead, I wouldn't do this for you," Stalker muttered as he strapped the hat on. A green chinstrap. How horrid. He took one last look in the mirror, and stepped out of his room, prepared for ridicule.
The funeral was quite uneventful compared to what happened after the funeral. And as the funeral was mostly sad and depressing, no record of it will be made here. Besides, the events that took place directly afterwards are even more important, and as a revelation has already been made as to the relative excitement of these events, and because the funeral was so mind-numbingly dull, the likelihood is that public riots will ensue if the situation is not dealt with immediately. It was directly after the funeral, when the Katarns were planning to go through Alex's personal effects and either send them to family members or auction them off to the highest bidder on the black market that a general alarm sounded, indicating that a ship was requesting clearance to land. Stalker checked his datapad, said, "My God..." and trailed off. This was because of something surprising he saw on the screen, and not because he was attempting to invoke the good will of any particular deity. What he saw was a ship swooping low over the base. Very low.
And very familiar.
"Ace!" He screamed. "Ace! Ace!"
"I believe Ace is here," Starbow observed.
"Yeah!"
"Excuse me," Leon said. "Ace?"
"Ace Grentarii," Janet explained. "He's this Alex from another dimension."
"Here to take the old one's place? Oh, great. This sucks!"
"No, this one's a good guy. So far as we can understand it, there was a difference between them in their childhood. Alex came out... well, you know. But Ace, he's different. What a guy."
"Come on, folks. Let's go meet him!" Stalker said.
The Katarns rushed out to the tarmac to greet their old friend. But when he emerged from the cockpit, his face was solemn. "Hey there, chummies," he said. "‘fraid there’s no time for chit-chat. Got someone here who needs medical treatment." The Katarns looked in the back of Ace's little ship. There was a young man lying on his back."
"Let me through," Jack said. "I'm a medic." He started looking at the young man. "He doesn't look injured."
"He isn't. Just in shock is all. Totally stunned by what he's seeing," Ace said.
"Let's get him inside. I can give him a mild sedative to take the edge off of his surprise."
They took him in, and placed him on one of the beds in the medical bay. Jack injected him. After a while he started to come around.
"What? Where? Who? Why? When? How?" He mumbled.
"Seems to have all his bases covered," Joel said. "Ace, where did you find him?"
"I was just hopping dimensions, looking for more of my alternate personalities, and I came by this chap."
"Where?"
"Strange little planet. Covered in water. Seemed quite nice, really. My ship materialized right in his bedroom, poor lad. He fainted as soon as he saw me."
"He's really coming around now," Jack said.
"If I were to ask where I was, would I regret it?" the stranger asked.
"Stay calm. You're safe," Starbow said.
"Where the hell am I?"
"This is Salasia IVb," Joel said. "It's where the Katarns base of operations is.
"Oh, thank God," he said. "That explains so much."
"What?"
"Well, either I have gone insane or I am dream. Maybe both."
Everyone stared at him.
"What makes you think that?" Starbow asked.
"Because I wrote the damn thing. Sheesh. If it's starting to haunt my dreams then it's a good thing we quit."
Everyone stared at him again.
"What do you mean... you wrote it?"
"This. All of this. I wrote it all. Well, me and some other folks."
"This is getting thoroughly weird," Janet said. "Who are you?"
"My name is Alexander."
Everyone was getting tired of staring at him, yet they were compelled to.
It took quite a while of their going back and forth, him saying he had written all of them and them saying that he was out to lunch, before someone figured out just what had happened, and started to explain. Ace Grentarii, many years ago, in his home dimension, had been the pilot of a new test ship that could break the speed of reality. The stranger had insisted this was impossible, but the discussion had gone on. Ace had been tasked with searching realities to find other versions of himself that had made different decisions and ended up with completely different lives. The stranger had said that this was the plot of an episode of a TV show that he liked and had adapted to be a story. Ace, when he jumped the first time, had met the Katarns, and among them was Alextravia Grentarii, a dead holographic simulation of his former self. The stranger had said that Alextravia was just his persona on something called the internet, and that he had based the character on some Arnold Rimmer chap from the same TV show and was further ignored.
This Alexander person was another version of Ace, just as Alextravia and millions of others in millions of other realities were. The stranger had insisted that this was impossible since he had written the whole thing to begin with, and was promptly told to shut up. It took some doing, but finally everyone understood what had happened and, more importantly, they mostly believed it. Or, at least, they believed they were having very realistic dreams instead of just strange ones.
"So..." Alexander said, "I and the rest of those people were writing stories. And... the things we wrote... became real?"
"Maybe. Or perhaps the things were happening and you wrote them."
"Isn't that what I said?"
"No, it isn't."
"Fine."
"So he wrote Alex?" Geko said. "He put us through all that hell? Gah!" He lunged at Alexander and started to choke him. The others had to drag him off. "It's true, you know! If he had written someone else, our lives would have been happy, decent..."
"And we would be dead," Joel said.
"Huh?"
"Like it or not, Alex's knowledge of the rules saved the day quite a few times. Any one of us could be dead if it weren't for him."
"Which one of them are you talking about?" Janet asked.
"Does it matter?"
"Not really, no. Forget I asked."
* * *
It took time for everyone to get used to the situation. People had to be contacted to decide on the best course of action, and finally it was decided that they should just send him back where he came from. They arranged a sendoff, because it seemed appropriate. Alexander stood in front of the assembled crowd; he had asked to say a few words.
"I thought you all would like to know how highly I think of the people I know to be your writers. This could be awkward..."
"Go ahead," Starbow said. "I'd like to hear. I think everyone would." There were general murmurs of consensus.
"Alright. Starbow, perhaps I should start with you. I know you as Melissa. She's a wonderful person. Very talented at writing, too. She usually makes me smile some way or another. She even sent me the book she's been working on to read."
"And was it good?" Starbow asked.
"very good. Ended a bit too quickly, I think, but it was good. And even when I delayed sending it back for, I think, three years, she's still speaking to me. That's always a plus. She has always been a good friend. Someone I can talk to. And I hope we keep talking, even though our Storytelling together is complete."
"I think you will."
"Now Janet I didn't really talk to that much, up until recently, but we've become good friend. We discuss plot ideas together, and have some things planned to happen years from now. She's smart, and funny. She even invited me to her family's movie night once. Alas, the drive over three states was going to be too much."
Janet smiled.
"Geko and I don't talk much either. But he was a good writer and I'm going to miss his plotlines a lot. They were fun. Stalker, your writer and I are very close. He always has some idea for making the Rebel Squadrons bigger, better, and more active. Usually I just blow him off, because I have less motivation than a lazy dog at times. But most of the ideas are good. Hopefully someone sometime will listen to them."
"I hope so, too," Stalker said.
"The tall guy is Leon, isn't it?"
"I am," Leon said.
"Jonathan Clay is how I know you in my world. He's a great guy. Aspires to be in the armed services and serve his country. I can't think of anything more noble. He and I don't always get along. He's more of a manly guy, and I'm somewhat of a weakling. I know he has a lot going on in his life, and I hope he knows that I'm there for him whenever he needs me. All he has to do is ask, I'll do anything for him. Well, so long as it costs less than $2000 and doesn't make me lose more than three toes."
"What about me?" Sen asked.
"Lauren. And she is so sweet. She has a lot going on in her life, too, and I feel so bad when she tells me something else has happened to her because there's nothing I can do to help her. She gets so depressed, and it hurts to see. But when she's on the up and up, she is one of my favorite people to talk to. She's a realist, and that's what I like about her. She doesn't try to make the world sound better than it is. She just gives it to you honestly. I like that."
Alexander moved down the line, and saw Joel Lance. The last one. "Casey has made things very difficult for me. He wrote that plotline about Amanda leaving Alextravia, and it tore me up inside. Not because I disliked the idea, but because I was so attached to these stories and this group of people that it felt as if she had really left me. Yeah, that was hard on me."
"On you?" Joel said. "You didn't almost die."
"True. I can't argue with you. But Joel has been a constant friend. I've always enjoyed talking to him... and being beat by him at Fleet Command."
"Fleet Command?"
"Ask me again sometime. I know these won't mean as much to you as they would your counterparts, but I have these awards that I planned to give out to your writers. And, well, I'd like you all to have them. First off, the Katarn Crescent. This is given to all of you. Alextravia Grentarii, DarthDoctor, Geko, Janet Skyy, Jack Barnes, Joel Lance, Morone, Sen, Starbow, and Stalker For their exemplary service up until the very end. They knew we were going under, and they still posted, right up to the last day. Thanks, guys. Starbow, Stalker, I want to award you the RSCD Distinguished Service Cross. Thanks for everything you did for me. You consistently moved the story along when it was lagging, which is exactly what we needed. So, thank you."
"You're welcome," Stalker said.
"I want to extend RSCD Honorary Membership to you, Janet, because you plan to leave as well, and also to John GAdRS, the very influential CO who was in office when I came aboard. Thanks for everything, folks. Without you, the Katarns would never have made it as far as they did. Good job. Good, good job."
"I'm sure Gad will appreciate that, too."
"And finally, one more. Joel Lance. What can I say about you? The one who put me through more agony than anyone else. In context, that is. Joel, you were a leader in the Katarns, providing a plot when I had none, providing drama where there were only one-liners. All of us owe it to you that we lasted this far. I know you feel you contributed to our downfall, but that's not true. You made us great. As my character once wrote about you: "A brave man who always does all he can to make the galaxy a better place to live in. A man whose journey has been more intimate than anyone else’s, he is torn between his desire to train in the ways of the Jedi and his very real fear that he will be overcome by the dark side of the force. Joel is a good man, however, and I have faith in him that sometimes I think even he lacks. He could never succumb to the dark side; he just doesn’t have it in him. Now I just need to convince him of that." Thanks for everything, Joel. Joel, you have been the real star of the Katarns. You were the lifeblood of events that took place. So for you, Joel, I offer the Cross of Recau. In my world, the Cross is described as a memorial to all who fell at Recau III, so it is only handed to the best. And that's you, no doubt."
"Thank you. Goodbye, Alex."
"Goodbye."
"Ready to go, skipper?" Ace asked.
"Yeah. I am. You know, everyone, when I joined the Katarns, it was because I wanted to learn to make levels for an old video game. Then I slowly made my way into the land of story writing. I [accepted] the writing. That seemed like fun. It was something I liked to do. But what I didn't expect was to become so close to so many people. The Katarns were a great place, where I could be me, and not have to worry about how others judged me. I loved that security, and that sense of fun. It's something I'll never have again. Some thing will be close, but nothing will ever be quite like this was. So thank you, all of you, for being colleagues as well as friends. I sure am going to miss you."
The cockpit closed, and the ship lifted off into the clouds, never to be seen again.
[Stalker was the only one that didn’t shed a tear, but he was torn up inside. He spoke with a cracked voice, “Can we have that bonfire now? This antenna in my dress hat is starting to pick up BBC signals.”]
* * *
I was still stunned upon arriving at home. At first I tried to convince myself that it really was a dream after all, but the large hole in my wall seems to suggest otherwise. I have met people who I helped to shape and create. It sort of makes me feel a little more important than I am... to know that the things we all did on this little mailing list had some sort of effect on somebody, somewhere. To know that I helped make things happen someplace. To know that I made a difference. It is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I have written this chronicle of my experiences, not only for you all to remember the Katarns, but for future RSers to look back and realize just what a wonderful group they were. So, thank you. All of you. And, with this, these last few keystrokes, I officially close the Katarns and resign my posts in the RSCD. Goodbye.
I had planned to put this on a dedication plaque in one of the stories sometime, but the opportunity never arose. This seems like a good time.
Here is the base of the Katarn Commandos
Instruments of Destruction
But it is the hope of all who have ever served
here that one day a transformation will make us
into Instruments of Greatness instead. And so we
look forward to a new, true, and above all perfect
Future of Peace
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
*The Last Mission*
By Serena "Sen" Jaidecko Richardson
IC:
Serena 'Sen' Jaidecko Richardson would never do that again. Would never let that half sister convince her to willingly surrender to the Imperials and be subject to torture. Janice Jaidecko always brought her trouble. Well, what was she to do, plan sounded good. She had used that tactic before. And would probably use it again in the future. This time she nearly died, something that scared her.
Yet here she was after the mission of saving Amanda Lance, lying in a bed of the Kyran sickbay, recovering nicely. Lost in her thoughts of the events of her participation of the last few missions. Remembering her arrival. Oh, she remembered that well.
She had problems with the Sironians and the Imperials. Took a desperate action of eliminating her family that was the source of the problems. Plan went awry, a government building on Sironia destroyed, several civilian deaths. It was then she felt it was all over, faked her death. Wanted to leave the Serena 'Sen' Richardson name behind forever. Took on the name of Kait Lance, and started a new life in the Katarns. She had no relation to the Lances in the Katarns, it was a randomly picked name.
The first mission was strange. All suited up to explore and escape from an alien ship. It was afterwards, on the bridge of the Katarn ship when she removed her helmet, and the Sen Richardson name reclaimed her. She was recognized by some Katarns she knew from the Aurora Force. There went the faked-death idea.
The next mission struck close to home. Literally. The Katarns were to destroy a weapons factory on her homeworld of Sironia. She gave what intel she had, but inside was scared. Feared that upon the minute of stepping on her homeworld she would be arrested. But she found a way around it. Volunteered to leave ahead of the group with a fellow Katarn to get more intel. But her suspicion growing inside was true. The Imperials picked her up so easily. At least the Katarn with her was safe, as were the coming group.
While the Katarns got into position and resumed the mission, Sen confessed to her government, to the people she grew up around, to those who’s lost loved ones by her actions. Some believed her, some did not.
An escape by some Katarns came to her, aided by her own brother. A brother that had every right to be angry with him. After the success of the mission, her brother Jared Richardson's companion had information for Sen. The woman called JJ, otherwise known as Janice Jaidecko, explained to her that the Sironians were not her family by blood. This shook Sen to the core. If the family knew this in the first place, they would have left her alone.
But there was nothing she could do now. What was done was done. She continued with the Katarns, with her half brother Jared and her half sister JJ at her side, doing what they could to keep Sen together. Sane.
The last mission was to save Amanda. Infiltrating an Imperial Star Destroyer as stormtroopers. Then JJ suggesting Sen be captured to give distraction. Not a good plan after all; nearly dying from that. So here was Sen again, thinking in her sickbay bed. Jared has said his goodbyes and left to return to Sironia. She had spoken to most of the Katarns. She had plans to return to AF.
Inside she regretted telling them. Announcing her leave. She originally wanted a new life, and she was about to get one. She had a sister now. Although they argued, it was nice to have a sense of family again. But she was going to miss here. They saved her life. She had new friendships, something she cannot sever hard.
But it was JJ that talked her into returning back to AF. So that was her next path in life.
OOC:
I offer my apologies for my silence the last few days in the Katarns list. It was requested of me to write this previous to the new messages, so I decided to postpone my own thoughts.
A year ago Alex and Morone mentioned to me a fiction writing group called the Katarns. Alex sent me a log, I read, thought it was great, wanted to join. I am also an AF writer, I like the AF, but there was something very different about the Katarns that stood out to me. Unlike AF and its continuous limitations and rules, Katarns seemed to me to be very freeform. Writing without limits. As a fiction writer in my personal time and own little projects, I freeform nearly everything I do. I knew this was the group for me to join.
I felt it was a great honour when one of the missions took place on my character's homeworld. And I appreciate that I could focus on my characters a little more in that mission. My writing, my ideas, is a big part of my life, and it made me happy knowing I could express them here.
Lastly, you people are amazing writers. Even though we've ended here, my hope is you continue writing. Never stop.
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
*Order 66 Duex*
By Super
The blood red stamp “Super Secret” was an unfortunate, if unintentional, pun of my callsign, Super. Other than the stamp, the sealed envelope on my desk was a normal one. A plain brown envelope like I’ve seen so many other times. This time something was different, though. The envelope had been placed perfectly straight, aligned with the edges of my desk. My blue blood ran cold.
Time slowed as I tore open the envelope to reveal the interior: pristine white papers dotted with simple black print. I read the body of the order. I had previously been ordered to shut down the Katarn Wing. This new order expanded the scope of the closure operation. My head sunk into my chest as I laid back into my chair with great dismay.
How can I do this to the Katarns, after all they been through? After all that they’ve done to save us all? Well, it has to be done. The only problem is that only a Jedi Master will be powerful enough to pull this off. Anyone else simply won’t be up to the task. Of course, Jedi Masters are kinda scarce these days.
***
The trip took 3 days, hopping from one hyperspace jump point and another between gravity wells. For the man that single-handedly took on Darth Vader and the Emperor at the same time, Master Skywalker is very well hidden from any danger these days.
I walked, escorted by armed guards, into the grand hallway that leads to his chamber. To my left was a tall, relief decorated wall which detailed the three simultaneous Endorian battles. To my right were great archways that exposed us to the beautiful forest backdrop of that secret planet. I wasn’t sure if the guards all around were there to protect him from me, or me from him. I’ve heard some strange rumors about Master Skywalker lately.
The extremely oversized safe vault doors to his chambers swung slowly open to reveal a large, nearly empty dark hall. At the center, a beam of light shone on an empty spot on the floor. That it, it was empty up until the point which Master Skywalker walked into it. It seemed kinda staged, to give the effect of mystery, but it was cool.
“Come in,” Master Skywalker said with his calm but intense voice. “How may I help you?”
Just as I began to speak, the safe vault doors began to swing shut behind me. I think I actually gulped with a bit of fear. Was carrying out this order worth all this trouble?
“Master Skywalker, I’ve studied the historical records of you and your father’s lives, particularly chapters 3, 4, 5 and 6. I think you are the only one that can help me carry out these new orders I’ve been given.”
After complaining about how chapters 7, 8 and 9 weren’t going to get made, despite the original deal he had with the producer, Master Skywalker asked to see my orders.
***
Master Skywalker’s plan seemed far crazier than I thought possible. Worse yet, he didn’t explain a damn thing to me. He just sent me on a bizarre scavenger hunt... a list of items that I had to bring back to him. I was almost surprised not to see Eye of Newt on the list. The most perplexing item he asked for was an army of the old battle droids. I mean, the Katarns are elite fighters. There isn’t a whole lot that an army of aged battle droids is going to be able to do against them, should the need arise. Maybe they were going to be a distraction while we carried out whatever plan Master Skywalker had.
***
I was feeling a little belligerent. When I returned to the planet with all that Master Skywalker requested, I walked that army of droids right up to his chamber. The guards all around seemed a little surprised but not very alarmed. A few of them threw some glancing blows at the mindless droids as they marched by them. I was like, “Luke, I got your army!” The extremely oversized safe vault doors swung slowly open. Master Skywalker spoke with an almost relieved voice, “Come in, Super. Bring my army too.”
The army lined up in formation within Master Skywalker’s chamber. They covered about half the available floor space. In the far corner stood a large black 5 meter wide cylinder, with two doors adjacent to each other.
“Thank you, Super. You may leave now. Come back tomorrow. I may need you then.” I couldn’t tell if he was just giving me an order or actually using that old Jedi Mind Trick, but either way, I left and came back the next day to see if he needed me.
There was a pile of battle droids building up outside one door of the black cylinder. This upset me: why was I bringing him all these battle droids? Just to use for lightsaber practice? As Master Skywalker walked out the other door towards the battle droid formation, he noticed me. “Ah, Super. You’re here! I haven’t found what we need yet. Ask my guards to clean up that pile of junk on your way out.”
I watched as he ordered the next droid in formation to follow him into the black cylinder.
I came back the next day to find half the droid army gone. Master Skywalker wasn’t there either.
“Maybe he’s taking a piss break,” I thought.
Master Skywalker entered the chamber from some entrance I wasn’t aware of. He had one of my battle droids following him.
“Super!”
“Yes,” I responded.
“No, not you. But hey, I’m glad you’re here! I found what we need!”
“What’s that?” I queried.
“You see, it’s a little known fact that one droid in a thousand has some access to the force, almost as though it was alive. The New Jedi Academy discovered this a few years ago when we were doing some repair work on my old droid, R2-D2. It seems that some droids are alive, or at least have the potential to be alive.”
“How do you mean, ‘alive’?”
“The force moves through them as though they were a living creature, and not some inanimate object. I found one good candidate droid here. This one definitely has the potential for being alive. A potential we are going to exploit! Let’s get going to Salasia IVb!”
***
Back on Salasia IVb…
“If we are going to pull this off, the Katarns can’t know what we are going to do until it’s too late,” I reminded Master Skywalker.
“I know. Let’s split up. You take the droid to the agreed location. You are still their commander. If they see me, for the second time in a week, no less, then they'll know something's up. I’ll meet you there in 10 minutes.”
“Ok, will do,” I replied to Master Skywalker.
At that Master Skywalker disappeared as a blur. Dang Jedi.
I walked calmly through the complex with my battle droid following me.
It was a little embarrassing.
“I like your new security detail, Super!” Joel said with a laugh as he walked by.
“Cute toy!” “Nice Roids” “You idiot!” I heard from the others.
I just thought to myself, “Just wait and see, you fools! Soon it will be I who is laughing, and quite maniacally, I might add.”
I walked into the Katarn Memorial Room with my droid. The room was still under construction. Master Skywalker appeared out of the shadows, removing his cloak hood. “We must act quickly. Seal the blast doors!” I knew there was a reason to install those blast doors for Katarn Memorial Room!
“Done,” I replied.
We laid the droid on the large assembly table. Master Skywalker began to work rapidly. He moved around, almost a blur at times.
“Spanner Pile Bar,” he requested as he held out his hand. I handed it to him and declared
“Check.”
“Langer torque minder.”
“Check.
“Screw welder.”
“Check.”
"Weld-O-Matic."
"Check."
***
This went on for some time. Meanwhile outside, suspicion grew.
“What’s going on?” Joel asked.
“He walked in with that droid of his and sealed the door shut,” Stalker replied.
“I don’t like this," Sen said. "Something bad is happening. I think we need to stop this now.”
Janet said, “Hey, I’m only here for the funeral, quaint party favors and the bonfire! See you guys later!”
“There’s a ticking noise. You guys hear that?” Geko asked. Every pressed their ears against the blast doors.
All of a sudden Stalker yelled out, “I think it’s a bomb! Get these doors open. Now!”
***
“Damn, I think they're on to us!” I yelled out.
“We are almost done. Just a few more minutes and this will be all over,” Master Skywalker reminded me.
“Hand me the Convoluted Plot Device,” he continued.
As I handed it to him I asked, “What are we going to use that for?” Then sparks started shooting through the blast doors. “They’re getting through!”
***
“Hurry! We are almost through! Hurry!” Joel kept chanting. The hapless red-shirted Facilities worker was trying his best to cut through the doors as quickly as possible. All the Katarns gathered behind him, blasters drawn.
With a large metallic bang, the blast doors fell. Very sadly, due to a gross miscalculation of weight ratios, it fell outwards instead of in, crushing the Facilities worker, but nobody got a chance to be upset because they were too busy running into the room to disarm whatever threat might lurk there. The Katarns rushed through the doors, yelling and barking orders. “Move, Move, Move!”
There was no sign of Super. Just a battle droid lying on the assembly table. The Convoluted Plot Device was attached to its chest. It blinked and had a faint tick. Sen noticed the primitive LED screen counting numbers. “10, 9,..."
"Oh, damn."
"8,…”
“Well, this is it then, I guess,” Stalker lamented.
"7, 6,..."
"So long guys," Starbow said, "It's been great knowing you."
“5, 4,..."
"When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high..."
"3,..."
"And don't be afraid of the dark!"
"Who's singing?"
"2,..."
"It's Leon."
"Well, tell him to stop. I don't want that to be the last thing I hear."
"1.”
The screen reached “0”. The Convoluted Plot Device began to glow, then burst into a bright light, as bright as a hundred suns. For a split second, everyone instinctively ducked, and then all was dark.
“Is anyone hurt?” a voice yelled out. Everyone checked to make sure they were ok. “What happened?” The emergency lights popped on.
At that, the battle droid began to move, with twitches at first, then jerking and then violent convulsions. The Convoluted Plot Device started glowing green and the droid calmed down. It seemed to be welded to the droid now.
The droid sat straight up and hopped off the table. It stared at everyone as everyone stared at it. It even seemed to be blinking in disbelief, it that is even possible for a battle droid.
***
I walked in on everyone. There was silence. I began to laugh, then laugh maniacally. Which, if the reader will recall, I had promised to do just paragraphs ago. Everyone looked at me, even the hapless droid. After starting to wheeze a bit I began to speak, “You can’t keep a good Katarn down; and you can’t keep a bad Katarn dead.”
At that, panic filled the room! Sen was all, “You don’t mean…?”
“Katarns, meet Battle Droid Alextravia! ::que dramatic music and the inexplicitly well timed lightening strike::
Someone yelled, “NOOOOOO!” as everyone looked right at the battle droid, expectantly and with great dismay.
The droid almost seemed to flinch. “You mean, I'm back? Oh, no, not again."
Everyone except me gulped in fear.
“How did you do it,” Sen asked.
“Ask Master Skywalker.”
“Yes, ask me,” Master Skywalker announced as he made an unnecessarily startling entry.
No one quite knew how to react to Master Skywalker's appearance. Do they bow or salure... or what? “Relax everyone, I’ll explain. See, the New Republic leadership is fully aware that the Katarns are being shut down. So, they issued Order 66 to Fleet Admiral Super.”
“What’s Order 66,” Sen asked.
“I’ve been ordered to build a monument to the Katarns. A monument of grand proportions, that will stand on Salasia IVb for a million years, to awe 30,000 generations, to stand as a testament to the mighty Katarns once and for all time,” I answered.
Continuing, “The fretful task could only be accomplished by one man..er..well, person…er…um…yeah, anyway, it could only be accomplished by Alextravia. I had to find a way to bring Alextravia back into our corporeal world. Master Skywalker had a way, and here we are.”
“How did you do it? How did you put Alextravia into a droid?”
Master Skywalker piped up, “The Convoluted Plot Device. You can use it for almost anything. Apparently the producers and writers of old Science Fiction utilized them to death. Here, I used it to fuse Alextravia’s soul into this special battle droid. And now you have Battle Droid Alextravia.”
I turned to Battle Droid Alextravia, “Battle Droid Alextravia, carry out Order 66.” With his new battle droid voice he declared, “Roger, Roger. Oh damn it, am I going to being saying that for now on?”
“I’m afraid so, Battle Droid Alextravia, prolly for the next million years at least.”
"Million?"
"Well, so, I exaggerated."
"Oh?"
"Did you forget, when you blew out those viewports, that you had a destiny to meet? That you are not due to expire for 18,000 years?"
"But, I was told... I mean... he said..."
"Yes. After you complete the monument, you will be shut down. Until... well... who knows?"
Battle Droid Alextravia groaned. Everyone else laughed as though it was the closing joke to a sitcom episode.
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
*Even More Interesting*
Compiled by Super and Alextravia Grentarii
"And good riddance to the toaster! It's staying with Stalker!" - Michael Morone
***
I'm sadder than I thought I would be over this. I remember when the Katarns were introduced to the RSCD, some 8 years ago, as an honored place for the RSCD's most active and enthusiastic members. People worked hard to get in, proudly displaying their Katarn designation in their sign-off when they were admitted. It was in the Katarns that the RS first saw the interactive story - I was told it probably wouldn't work, but to give it a try anyway. Look how it took off! A whole fleet dedicated to RS fan fiction exists today as a result. When Dark Forces waned in its popularity, it was the Katarns that held up the RSCD until it could find its feet again. It is unfortunate that it has faded and has come to this; I am sorry to see it go. More sorry than I imagined. But who knows - maybe the Katarns will rise again and return to days of glory. But even if it does not, just remember this, once our motto: Once a Katarn, Always a Katarn.
Here's to all the Katarns to have passed through these halls. :::salute:::
":|
General Janet Skyy
RSCD XO (Retired)
Katarn CO (Retired)
***
Ladies and gentlemen of the Katarns,
It has been a pleasure serving with you, past and
present. I haven't been here since the inception, but
for a long time. My first command posting in the
Rebel Squadrons was as a company commander. From
there, I eventually became Katarn Executive Officer.
I've never been the Commanding Officer, but I have
supported at least two.
The Katarns have always been a special group, going
on missions because we could; fighting the good fight;
dying in the name of sacrifce. But we couldn't have
been without our sense of humor. I will miss serving
with you, and I am sorry I cannot reach out to all
those who will not see this.
Good luck in your travels.
Colonel Stalker
PBF- Crusader Wing CO, Gold Squadron CO
RSCD- Katarn XO(retired), ROC CO(retired)
AF- Corsair CO
RS- Training Officer (CO)
***
Wow...it's actually...well, over.
I blame Alex for dragging me into this whole thing. He got me back into the RS while he was trying to keep the Katarns going, back in the days of GadRS. Wow. It's been a long time...so many stories, so many people, so many friends.
I know the CS came down hard on Alex because I kept slipping away when I was supposed to write a post to resolve the scene on the Star Destroyer. I didn't want to really write it, because I knew it would signify the end. The end of this marvelous, half-insane little band we called the Katarn Commandos.
I wish it didn't end. I wish we could keep going, but all of us seem to have been slowly drawn away by other pursuits--military, college, other units in the RS, other writing projects, other games.
And now I'm both depressed and elated writing this e-mail. Depressed because this is the end, but elated because I've known so many good people.
Major Joel Lance
***
I Remember the Katarns was pretty much the first SW
Squad I really got close to as Leon Sodoorsk, I
returned and loved it here. It's a real shame to see
it going. However, I will be keeping the toaster
alive in the ABG until such a time as I can restore it
to it's rightful place...next time Stalker sims he
will probably shoot me. It's been an honor and a
pleasure serving in this unit.
Michael Morone
Former RSCD CO
~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~~*~*~*~
*Final Orders*
By Super
First, to understand many of these orders, please read all of the above articles.
-I hereby award the medals which Alexander handed out above. I’m not sure who this Alexander is, but he knew what he was talking about.
RSCD Joint Services Commendation is awarded to LCM Walex Partija
Katarn Crescent is awarded to LCL Alextravia Grentarii, LJG DarthDoctor, CDT Geko, GEN Janet Skyy, LCL Jack "Blazer" Barnes, MAJ Joel Lance, CMDR Michael "GrayWolf" Morone, MAJ Serena "Sen" Jaidecko Richardson, LCM Walex Partija, CPT Starbow, and COL Stalker
RSCD Honorary Membership is awarded to MGN John GAdRS and GEN Janet Skyy
RSCD Distinguished Service Cross is awarded to CPT Starbow, and COL Stalker
RSCD Cross of Recau is awarded to MAJ Joel Lance
Additionally,
RSCD Legion of Merit is awarded to MAJ Serena "Sen" Jaidecko Richardson for her continuous participation in the RSCD wide endeavors, despite the knowledge her group was in the process of being shut down.
And, I’ve nominated GEN Janet Skyy for the Kessel Cup for her work and contributions to the RSCD and RS through her foresight and expert handing of the RSCD and Katarns. I just got word that this medal nomination was accepted. Congrats!
-I hereby confirm Order 66. The monument that Alextravia is building is in the form of a grand website which will honor the Katarns and detail their history. I request that all current and former Katarns work with Alextravia Grentarii to complete this project as quickly and completely as possible.
-I hereby accept Alextravia’s resignation from the RSCD.
-I hereby order the moderators of all Katarn Yahoo Groups to hand over control of these groups to the RS IO and RS HO. Please have this done by the August 30, 2005.
-All Katarns are hereby ordered to stand down. Empty your quarters and go off to your new assignments. Hurry up! We got new Jedi recruits that need this space in two days, so make it quick.
-Final act is the elimination of the Katarn Roster. This task will be completed by me right after this NL is published.